renNicole

12:35 pm: lit l bit


Tags: la la la la love

12:03 am: this was todays feeling all over. *tries to shed my own skin
i would have returned your greeting
if it weren't for the way you were looking at me

this street is not a market
and i am not a comodity

and dont you find it sad that we cant even say hello
because your a man and i'm a woman and the sun is getting low

and there are some places that i can't go
as a woman i can't go there
and as a person i don't care

i don't go for the 'hey baby, whats your name.'
and i'd like to go alone thank you, just the same

i am up again against the skin of my guitar
in the window of my life
looking out through the bars
i am sounding out the silence
avoiding all the words

i'm afraid that i've said to much.
i'm afraid of who has heard me.

and my father he told me this story and it was true... for his time
but not the story is different, maybe i should tell him mine
all the girls line up here, all the boys on the otherside
i see your ranks are advancing i see mine are left behind

i am up again against the skin of my guitar
in the window of my life
looking out through the bars
i am sounding out the silence
avoiding all the words

i'm afraid i can never say enough
i'm afraid no one has heard me.

and despite all the balls i've been thrown and forced to drop
on the social totem pole i'm preciously close to the top
they put you in your place and they tell you to behave
but no one can be free, till we're all on even grain

and i would have returned your greeting
if it weren't for the way you were looking at me.

08:00 pm: jaded
I was too young to know that you had broken my heart.
Thats why everything hurt for months.

11:29 pm: "i know you might not agree but you shouldn't be unhappy with who you are. You're that way for a reason. It's figuring out that reason thats hard. Things come with time. As does maturity.
...
Put simply, just wait it out and don't sell yourself short.
you are so much more than you think.
take it from an outsiders perspective."

Patrick Drake.

11:49 pm: dear journ-fuck
there's something empty about me latley

01:39 pm: Hell no.

08:09 pm: Promises mean everything
when you're little
And the worlds so big
I just dont understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes
Tell me everything is wonderful now

I dont wanna meet your friends
And I dont wanna start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything
Please dont tell me everything is wonderful now...

07:51 pm: quote:
maybe i am changing..
maybe i am so impatient.
maybe i just don't care
about what, you think

because i can never please them
no matter how hard i try

any you know, sometimes
i just want to throw up my hands
and say 'ok, fine'

12:15 pm: i am the biggest shithead.
how weak, a part of me died this morning on the bus.

i feel lost.

i don't know why people do this to me,
more so, why do i do this to people..

'if i have nothing to give to myself,
how can i give things to others.'

that phrase is a fluffy cloud in my head.

maybe i have a condition.
everytime the feeling seems mutual, i freak out.
maybe it's just the lack of attraction beyond physicality.

i don't want to lie, to make it easier, but i might have to, for lack of a decent discription.

i just need to get my head clear.
i don't feel like writing metophorically.
i just feel like crying.

bye.

'What do you get when you ask so selfish?
What do you get when you sound so pissed off?
What do you get when you ask seductive?
What do you get when you're hot?
What do you get?' -rachel jacobs

01:59 pm: missing shelby :(


drunk bikes on dykes?
hahaha

10:07 pm: every word in;
ani difranco - slide


and fate is not just whose cooking smells good
but which way the wind blows


she laid down in her party dress and never got up
needless to say she missed the party
she just got sad
then she got stuck

Tags: stuck.

03:29 pm: :)
should i decide it's true
that you would leave if given half the chance to go
and i'd be left here on my own
to find myself in bed
wishing everything that changed would be the same

everydays another chance to bury my regret
everydays another chance to make it but i can't

10:45 pm: i'll leave you behind, because your one of my kind.
time is a mirror i dont want to look into

i know you're not behind me
and i'll only ever see my view

--

please be kind

i'm hurting because i keep thinking of you

please don't leave me behind

you are one of my kind

--

maybe you didn't give it
but it's something that i took
away, with me.

02:34 pm: ughhh
Well you know I don't want to play for you anymore
Show me what you can do
Tell me what are you here for.
I want my old friends.
I want my old face.
I want my old mind.
Fuck this time and place.

The butter melts out of habit
You know the toast isn't even warm.

06:00 pm: when i say you sucked my brain out
the english translation is that
i am in love with you
and it is no fun
but i don't use words like love
because words like that don't matter

the world is my oyster
and the road is my home
and i know that im better,
i'm better off alone.

12:58 pm: -/-.,;]]-
build each one of my songs
out of glass
so you can see me inside of them
I suppose
or you could just leave the image of me
in the backround, I guess
and watch your own reflection superimposed

I build each one of my days out of hope
and I give that hope your name
and I don't know you that well
but it don't take much to tell
either you don't have the balls
or you don't feel the same

01:19 am: morejuststuff
who are you?
if i say your nobody,
why is it so hard to say that you are nobody.
yet, it's always so easy to dismiss myself to your opinion.

who am i,
if i can't be strange?

truth is stranger than fiction.

i am rambling colours, rivers, flowers, hills
i am deep, dark, never ending and everlasting.
i am oceans, and this part of me is often mistaken with big tall metal buildings filled and filed with meaningless, messy paperwork.
i am not building, because buildings can fall, metal can explode, paper can cut, and i am not filed or meaningless.

i am messy
i am forgetness
sometimes i am broken promise
but, i am flowing.

'whatever flows
is never dull'-Lord Byron

i will never be dull.

11:07 pm: i didn't mean; maybe. baby.

i can make you sorry when I want
find some other house for you to haunt
carry out your sentence in my head
all I have to do is go to bed

i close my eyes
so I, can dream of ways to keep you occupied
so I, can lock you up we'll keep it classified
so right

you're mine tonight love
when I close my eyes

10:55 pm: romance
sick of love
or sick for love?

i seem to derive feelings and thoughts from the unreachable.
it keeps me company.
i enjoy trying to file looks and body language from people who you know will always be just your friends.
there are a few people latley, who i silently think about.

' what if.. ? '
i don't know.

some would call that low self esteem.
i just think, though i exaggerate these little daydreams.
they are there im my head for reasons.
even if i cannot validate them.

i like when you walk away from a person, and you look back at them when you think it's safe..just to find them looking back at you aswell.

i love how eyes say what words would never say.

and i hate risking, sounding wispy.

did you see the firey sky this afternoon?
it seemed i was floating amoungst a contrast of
bright oranges, deep blues, poloroid aqua's and yellows.

oh, for art class,
bus rides, life, love(of all types) and clearly, a hazy future.
*leans cheek on hand*

off to bed.
for real this time...

07:55 pm: because someone has to